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Should husband helping with the kids be 50-50
in General

By agsragsr 861 Pts
I just saw this 3 minute video of “my husband doesn’t help with the kids” by Kristina Kuzmic.  It shames men for not taking equal role in raising children and challenges a stereotype that women should be taking a primary role in raising kids and a good father “should help”.  She is raising the issue of “helping with the children” as being insulting to both men and women.
I am all for equality, but this cherry picking of facts is taking it over the top.  It should be a fair division of overall roles and responsibilities for the household, and not just pushing for specific chores to be equal without looking at the whole picture.  

That’s a great example of taking sexism to extreme.  I appreciate and value women rights, but lets not confuse being equal as being the same.  Our society has made progress towards empowering women and we want this progress to continue.  But shaming men isn’t a good strategy.

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  • MayCaesarMayCaesar 3295 Pts
    This is up to the individual couples to decide. In most families the man earns more money than the woman, so that already creates an imbalance. It makes sense in cases when the man, say, is the primary earner to expect the woman to tend to kids more. It also makes sense in cases when the woman is the primary earner to expect the man to tend to kids more. Again, it is up to the couples to decide, but my view of a healthy relationship is one of that in which both partners contribute significantly.

    There is also the factor that biologically women are wired to raise kids much harder than men; traditionally men would go to hunt animals or do something else requiring a lot of physical activity, while women stayed in the tribe tending to their kids. While such an arrangement is no longer the case in the modern world, biology is not so hard to rewire, and it makes sense for this imbalance to remain in the society, regardless of any discrimination.

    People should separate social discrimination from natural inequality between sexes. This whole idea that men and women are absolutely equal in everything is wrong on many levels. It is important to appreciate biological differences between us; what is wrong is thinking that those differences must compel us to do something. But they must be appreciated nonetheless.
    "Equality", the one human rights movements have fought for for centuries, refers to equality of opportunity, not outcome. What people fought for is lack of prejudice and giving everyone a chance. They did not fight for some statistical equalisation of what people actually choose to do in life.
  • all4acttall4actt 133 Pts
    What I saw in the video was a woman complaining about the lack of inequality happening in her marriage.

    In my marriage, as much as I liked working I decided to stay at home and raise my children.  So of course the majority of the care was left to me.  I never resented it but I also had a husband that had no problem taking care of the kids when quite frankly I needed a break.  When you are a stay at home mom it is a 24 hour 7 day a week job that you can not ever just walk away from.  Also, when people find out your a stay at home mom they assume you have plenty of time on your hands and almost expect you to volunteer for every your kids are involved in.  So your days get packed and you end up with doing more than you would have been doing if you just went to work.  So there were days where sometimes I just needed those breaks my husband allotted me.  Sometimes it was just him taking the kids out for a couple of for a couple of hours so I could just sit on the couch and watch an entire non-kid movie without interruption or so I could just go out with my friends.

    So while the majority of the care of taking care of the children fell on me I never felt it to be an equitable arrangement unlike the woman in the video.  

    I really think she was just speaking from her experience. 

    Unfortunately that kind of thing happens in a lot of marriages.
  • lililululililulu 20 Pts
    I think culture has a role to play in determining whether both parents should play equal roles in helping with the children.

    In Asian countries, such as India, women are still expected to stay at home and take care of the house and the children while their husbands go out to work and provide for the family. Thus, the mother is largely responsible for taking care of their children. For them, that is the norm - to expect the husband to play an equal role would be strange.

    In Western countries, it is increasingly common for the father to play a larger role in taking care of the children. Many moms do more than just stay at home - they go out to work and build a successful career. It is also not uncommon for the "traditional" roles to be reversed - stay-at-home dads are a thing now.

    Depending on where you live, you will probably have different opinions on whether the husband should play an equal role in taking care of the children. Our thoughts and opinions are shaped by the culture and the communities which we live in, so I believe that there is no right answer. Personally though, I believe that communication between both parents is important - to find a sweet spot where both parents are able to spend time with their children, and able to pursue careers, hobbies, passions, as well.
  • The concept that men should earn the bread and females should take care of the children is stereotyped. I think since the child belongs to both the man and the woman, they should both help the child as much as they can. But again it mostly depends on the culture and the couple.
    Lover, hunter, friend and enemy
    You will always be every one of these
    Nothing's fair in love and war.
  • AlofRIAlofRI 733 Pts
    Women are doing men's work, men are doing women's work. It used to be woman's work to "take care of" the kids when we had a REAL "good economy". What we have today is NOT a good economy and everyone has to do their part. In most cases, the "breadwinner" is a thing of the past. We'll likely never see an actual good economy again ... unless something is done to corral capitalism. The fact that we allowed the "Whatever-the-market-will-bear" theory to fester put an end to that. I mean, $300.00 sneakers? $200.00 nose drops?!

    There's nothing wrong with capitalism, but, it MUST have some control! You know, that "dirty word" ... "regulation". Regulations aren't there to prevent profit, they're there to prevent FRAUD, rip-offs and abuse of people and the environment! Until then, EVERYBODY is a breadwinner, everybody should help to raise the kids .... unless you are one of those lucky(?) capitalists that can afford a nanny ;-) ... 'cause you get to charge whatever the market will bear. 

    In the '50s / '60s  businesses paid 70-90% tax ... they still got rich. they charged reasonable prices ... they still got rich, and we, the people, could have ONE breadwinner. THAT was a good economy. We haven't had a good one since Reagan, we won't again unless we look to the past and figure what we are doing wrong. A high Stock Market does NOT a good economy, make! Today's system means we ALL have to "do women's work", as necessary.
  • MichaelElpersMichaelElpers 346 Pts
    edited June 29
    @AlofRI. Just because their is a pair of sneakers that cost $300, doesnt mean you have to buy them.  The average sneaker i purchase is usually under $50.

    Theres not many people that want no regulation, they just think we have too much regulation.  You seem to hate large corporations and businesses but adding on regulations generally just benedits them and hurts small businesses because they can afford to have lawyers and pay for increased costs while small businesses cant.
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