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The Correct Bible Translation

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It has been suggested that atheists should start a Bible study discussion.
After all, we should have a better understanding of what we are debating and make informed responsible posts.
What better way to start than the very beginning of the Bible. Let's start from the beginning, Shall we?

Genesis 1:1
"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth"

The original untranslated Masoretic text reads: "Bereshitt bara Elohim et hashamayim ve'et ha'aretz".
Alarm bells start ringing straight away so far as the King James translation goes.
My translation reads something completely different:
"A bullshite guy called Elohim walked into a bar, asked for some hash and ended up getting arrested".

Surely, Do we not have a completely different story unfolding here?
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