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Is Arguing A Waste Of Time?

Debate Information


It can be tempting to think of arguing as a waste of time, especially if the disagreement is not resolved or if it causes tension or conflict in a relationship. However, in some cases, arguing can be a useful way to express differing viewpoints, to clarify misunderstandings, or to arrive at a mutually beneficial resolution.

Here are a few tips for making arguments more productive:

  1. Focus on the issue, not the person. Try to avoid making personal attacks or bringing up unrelated issues.

  2. Stay calm and respectful. Try to maintain a respectful tone and listen actively to the other person's perspective.

  3. Look for common ground. Try to find areas of agreement and work together to find a solution that meets both of your needs.

  4. Take breaks if necessary. If the argument is getting heated or unproductive, it might be helpful to take a break and come back to the discussion later.

Overall, it is important to remember that arguing can be a normal and healthy part of any relationship. It can be a way to address and resolve conflicts, as long as it is done in a respectful and productive way.




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    Arguments


  • BarnardotBarnardot 519 Pts   -  
    @JulesKorngold
    so what is the debate about then because it is confusing what were arguing about really .
    ZeusAres42
  • JulesKorngoldJulesKorngold 810 Pts   -  
    Argument Topic: Nope

    @Barnardot
    I'm not gonna argue with you.  It would be a waste of time.
  • DreamerDreamer 272 Pts   -  
    Argument Topic: Arguging can give legitimacy to fringe and hateful ideas.

    I think arguing can be very productive. Scientific consensuses are formed via argumentation. Yet, arguing with a science denier can provide false balance and accidentally provide legitimacy to young Earth creationism for example. A great example is Ken Ham versus Bill Nye. Pick your topics and people you debate with carefully.

    JulesKorngold
  • MayCaesarMayCaesar 5967 Pts   -  
    Here is how I see it. It takes two to tango, and whenever there is a disagreement between two parties, this disagreement can only be resolved if both parties are interested in resolving it. If that is not the case - if the opposite party just wants to "win" the dispute no matter what - then arguing, indeed, is a waste of time. All you can do is decide on whether to surrender and give in to the opposite party's demands, or refuse to do so and walk away. The more you argue with someone who does not want to settle the dispute, the more you will antagonize them.

    Now, under the assumption that your opponent is not "beyond saving" and that there is a change that they actually are interested in getting somewhere in this dispute, arguing is absolutely an option - however, there are ways to argue productively and unproductively. What is unproductive, again, is to try to "win" the argument by undermining your opponent's position or, even worse, their persona. Even if you manage to "win" this particular argument, this will be a salty victory indeed, for resentment will breed and eventually erupt in increasingly worse arguments. You may "win" a small battle, but you will lose the war.

    What is productive is to relax your ego and to actually listen to what your opponent has to say. Almost every time someone has a dispute with you, they have a leg to stand on, they have their valid reasons. They may be in the wrong objectively speaking, but where they are coming from is real and important to them. Your line of argument should not be, "You are wrong, and here is why", but, "I understand where you are coming from and feel you. Allow me to offer a different perspective on this". Let the other party know that you fully understand and respect their position, and if you want to go even further, steelman their position before proceeding with your own. This way, by the time you start making your case, they know that you are on their side and will be much more receptive to the message. It is hard to fight against someone who is not fighting against you.

    When it comes specifically to someone who I care about - my friend or a romantic interest or a relative - I am especially gentle. I never assume that I am in the right and they are in the wrong; I do not even think in these categories. I respect and fully support their opinion. If it deviates from mine and leads to a dispute, I will be quite lenient on the outcome of the dispute and often make major concessions, given how much more I value our relationship than the resolution to this particular conflict; I do have some boundaries, but the people I surround myself with are great folks and never push past those boundaries anyway.
    Of course, if I have to make concessions all the time just to maintain the relationship, then this relationship is not really worth it, and will probably crumble over time. Happened a couple of times so far. I will take this couple of failures in exchange for endless successes. One such failure literally costed me thousands of dollars, but taught me a lesson about a particular type of deceiving individuals (people who pretend to be compassionate and caring, but hold a lot of hatred and resentment towards the world underneath - many of these people happen to be what they nowadays call "the woke"), and the warning in my head is set off very quickly when interacting with them.

    Hate to bring him up as I strongly disagree with him on many things pertaining to human interactions, but Jordan Peterson is absolutely on point here: if you want to have a healthy relationship with someone, you should not aim at winning a single game, but at winning over a long series of games - with both sides winning. You can win 5 arguments, and have your partner walk away on the 6th. Or you can show yourself to be vulnerable and accommodating and concede a few small arguments, and when a major relationship-threatening argument comes in, you can cash in on that and capitalize on the trust and respect your partner has developed for you.
    Romantic relationships rarely fail due to a major disagreement on something (for if such a disagreement existed, it would have come up long before the relationship got this far). They typically fail literally over something as minor as an argument over who washes dishes today. You refuse to wash dishes today and have your wife do it: you "win". You refuse to go after groceries tomorrow and have your wife do it: you win. A month later you ask your wife to pick up kids from school because this time you have a genuine reason to be at work: your boss is giving you a promotion and wants to discuss the details with you and it cannot wait - and the boiling point is achieved and your relationship explodes.

    My personal anecdotal experience is such that doing nice little things to others regularly and conceding minor arguments allows you to form deep bonds with people that never fall apart. You feel good by making them feel good, and as an added benefit they grow to like and respect you and value the relationship they have with you. And when guano hits the fan and you run into a dispute that you cannot allow to concede, they will want to work with you towards resolution that works for both sides.
    The bottom line is, one argument means little; your systematic approach to arguments is what counts. If you find yourself in an argument losing which is not an option and winning which is going to destroy your relationship with whoever you argue, then you have already messed up royally and now paying the price.
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