Help For Theists

Theists nowadays must surely be feeling the pressure to maintain their spiritual relationship, what, with evolution booting creationism completely out the door and the ever-growing and easily accessible information highway throwing up little IEDs at every doctrine taken from ancient scriptures penned by who knows who.

I realise how it must be, feeling like being backed into a corner with no evidence to cling onto and only a couple of "God is" definitions left in a vain attempt to delay the impending truth that one's imaginary friend just ain't out there.

After all, "God is love" and "experience God" have well and truly passed their use-by-date and one I recently heard, "God is intelligence" just doesn't make the (first) grade.

But don't despair, theists. Don't let all those years of guilt and fear that you've learnt overwhelm you. I have a great new God description that will have all those nasty atheists (well, at least, some) running back to their science textbooks and critical thinking websites.

I had thought of "God is organic", pretty hip and vague enough but then I reckoned that the earthiness connotation might put the kibosh on it straight away since organic refers to something, and let's face it, there is no "something" about God at all, is there?

"God is holistic". Now, that will throw them off the scent for a while. It is up-with-the-times and fits in with the "God being everywhere and everything" concept without saying it. Naturopaths use the word successfully to make zillions out of gullible patients so why not jump on the holistic bandwagon.....and it sounds great too......God is holistic.

You see, theists, us atheists aren't all that bad, we realise your predicament and want to help you out.